High Tension

I want to stab this week. My last meditation restored some hope but my tension over feeling I’m so in my head, I’m not seeking, never started, and am in a very uncomfortable rut, was getting huge and maybe it was just a temporary release valve. When it gets this confrontational (like most days) I want the fetal position, but that isn’t enough. Inspiration could be a way out — or more non-action, procrastination of getting serious.

This sense I haven’t moved is so horrible and usually I dissipate its tension by indulging in ego boosts and false inspirations (apparently false after the confrontation I’ve gotten). I am running, but I remember that too infrequently to act on that perspective.