Two conviction states

My mood varied this week: It went from lows of I am making no progress and never will, to optimism. The lowest one came from some combination of feedback that indicated I’m still on beginner stuff (so have 20 years of work left) and seeing my weight has gone up (which undoubtedly contributed to my mood). Optimism would just return eventually as some encouraging fact would show up.

My weekend was at my mother’s house, and on the way down I watched my mood switch from I-want-to-drive-my-car-off-the-road-but-am-afraid despair to maybe-I-am-making-progress optimism. On the drive back there wasn’t as much volatility but in a mood I composed a poem, which is unusual. It’s too embarrassing to post.

It would be frightening and unbalancing how convinced I am in these two opposite convictions states, but I’m currently in the optimistic one.