Very uninspired week but not painfully so. Missed almost all my meditations, played a video game in all of my free time, totally ignored my to-do list and had a celibacy accident when I thought I was done with those. I finally finished the game I’ve been playing since the retreat a month ago and have been watching a conflict what to do next: find another or turn away. I have voices that want both.

Despite lower energy levels from not being celibate for long, both PSI meetings have seemed great. Perhaps it is contrast to not thinking about finding truth, perhaps it is simplicity I was hoping for out of playing games. Perhaps it is something Art’s doing. That I can see I’ve never been anything other than awareness is a problem.

An exercise to challenge assuming I make decisions is a highlight this week. Trying it three times has left me feeling some doubt about this beloved assumption. It was: dedicate 2 hours to not making a single decision then report one’s findings. After a few days of procrastination I was quickly surprised by what was happening once finally starting.